trip cancelled - kung foo panda

i couldn't make it to the green the vaccines rally on June 4th in washington dc, sooooo dissapointed but things happen. anyway i did add a couple of links to Jim Carey and Jenny McCarthy videos so you could check it out. looks like it was a turnout of about 8 thousand people and hopefully a success, time will tell. ryeder wasn't too dissapointed, i bought him a wonder pets toy for the trip and so that kinda diverted the one hundred questions. tonight we ventured out to see kung foo panda at the theatre. he was quite hesitant about this movie because it is very loud but i couldn't talk him out of going. he sat on my knee with his ears covered and eyes closed for the first fifteen minutes but moved on to his own seat after that. i'm sure i covered his eyes for at least half of the movie- at his request of course but by the end he said he enjoyed it - go figure? i'd have to say i wasn't overly impressed with it; there could have been a little less fighting in it. i find something like that leaves an impression on rye and he then will come home and want to reenact the movie and does take on some the aggression- think i'll pass on seeing that one again. 2:30 am off to bed!

even the celebrities

there are people who would criticize the famous, say they don't care about anyone but themselves but i think "the times they are a changin". i really believe the stars are becoming a voice for the people and i am happy about that. if you have a stage on which you can bring attention too a cause or a movement, i say "by all means use it". I just found out Ernie Els ( the championship golfer) has a five year old son with autism. i added a link to a video clip from cnn, check it out. it's great to see a father express his feelings about autism. i think the more people can speak out the more our governments may realise there is a need for help. i look at my family and how we struggle to find the funds to get ryeder all the help he needs. (treatments, doctors etc.) then i think about all the people who have a lower income than we do and who are maybe less informed than we are and that even with knowledge of all thats out there; would not be able to afford the services needed to make a difference in their childs life. autism is on the rise 1 in 150 now and i wonder what it will take for our governments to notice. many children diagnosed 10-15 years ago are now young adults and many have needs beyond treatment - maybe assisted living or job assistance or disability payments and it is only going to grow! we need research LOTS and LOTS of research. in the meantime you get by and you go about your day trying to make your child (children) happy - until there is some other answer out there. i say speak out if you are a celebrity or if you are able to reach a wider demographic because frankly, we need all the help we can get!

speak out

i'm starting to get the hang of this blogging thing and i finally figured out how to add a link! i know, i know i really should have my picture on the cover of "blogging for dummies". anyway, go to my link taca and you"ll see a video for the "green the vaccines" rally being held in Washington, DC. June 4th! Come everyone! even if you don't have a child with autism but you still believe our vaccines are contaminated with toxins that we shouldn't be putting into our ONE month old babies or if you just believe that vaccines are okay but your not 100% sure about them- then this is the rally to be at. i'm not someone who believes vaccines CAUSE autism but i do believe they could be a trigger for a genetic disposition as well as environmental polutants and god knows what else. when ryeder was about eleven-twelve months of age he could say words like kittycat and grandpa and by the time he was fourteen-fifteen months of age he lost those words. this was after five or six vaccines - i don't know - you tell me? is there a connection? i know there are many parents out there who have this same story or worse but i tell ya, it's time somebody starts to listen. i was lucky to have met a woman in a laundromat who informed me her daughter- who was yelling out and grunting- spoke fully until the age of three and just woke up one day and didn't talk anymore. she was diagnosed with autism two months later and has not spoken since- she was seven years of age. at that point i never gave ryeder another vaccine and started to become more informed! i had already had my suspicions anyway so that just reconfirmed things for me. so the rally is an opportunity for me to be a part of the change i want to see happen. if anyone ever reads my blog before June 4 and you can make it to the rally then click on my link to taca and all the information is there.

energizer bunny - no sleep

weekends that ryeders brother brett and sister emi come are always so enjoyable for us because he is so excited to see them. it is a time for him to be a typical child. rough house with his brother and be silly with his sister. he thoroughly enjoys the time he spends with them and it's great to see. i have a slow down period for him and i try to create some quiet play a few hours before bed but the problem i struggle with, is keeping him from being over stimulated, without me becoming the big bad witch. rye slow down, rye you have to share, rye too loud, rye, rye, rye... you get the big ugly picture. then we hit bedtime and he has been so over excited and over stimulated, that his little brain doesn't shut down over night. he tosses, he turns, he whines, he whimpers, and he sometimes screams out from nightmares. i truly feel for my poor guy, but he doesn't even remember his restless sleep. i on the other hand, get a very unsettled sleep, or no sleep at all. during the week when it is just he and i at home he sleeps quite peacefully. although ryeder didn't become a peaceful sleeper until maybe a year ago at the age of five, needless to say i was sleep deprived for four years. when his siblings visit - nights are anything BUT peaceful for me. there are many mothers of autistic children who have related their stories of sleepless nights, so it's good to know i'm not in the boat all alone. but i really need to find out if there is a way to deal with autistic children and over stimulation. if anyone out there has a piece of advice for me in that area it would be well appreciated.

living in the "now"

im following along on oprahs "a new earth" webcasts, if you havent checked it out you might want to, it is a phenomenal experience. Eckhart Tolle (the author of the book) talks about living in the present, removing the illusion that anything exists beyond the present; and it really made me think of children with autism. i have often observed present moment thinking in ryeder . like today for example - it's spring (thank the lord! or whoever is responsible for that.) all kinds of little bugs are hatching and flying around: well, that sends ryeder into oblivion! then i thought - hey maybe that is a "present moment" thing. i can go outside and i notice the bugs but i move onto some other thought and it's forgotten; he can't move on - he is always there in the "now". autistic children have what is labelled as sensory disorders but i've often thought that it isn't really a disorder at all. the senses are something that keep us in the "present moment". the only thing is - autistic childrens senses can keep them in the present moment but they can get stuck in that moment through fear (as in ryes case with the bugs.) i've always struggled with the label of autism, (even though i use it myself) because as we know labels can create a such a stain on your character. i want to live in a world where people who are so called "different" are woven into the fabric of life. i don't know? maybe i'm too idealistic. but i believe if we all could just search for the truth within ourselves maybe we could create a world where everyone is accepted.

why do movie theaters have to be so LOUD?

tonight we saw Nims Island for the second time in a week and i'll probably see it again a couple more times before it is available on DVD. ryeder is an avid movie watcher and loves to go to the theater when a new childrens movie is released. each time we have to go over the same delivery - " Are we going to the movie theater? but the previews are so loud. I'll just cover my ears, that's what i'll do, i'll just cover my ears when it's too loud." recently, i considered buying him ear plugs, you know the foamy ones you can squish but then what a fiasco that would be in the dark! for those of you who don't know, many autistic children have sensory disorders; ryeders hearing is one he struggles with. loud noises are VERY stressful for him, but through it all he still asks "when can we come again" the second the movie ends. i hope the day will come when loud noises are not frighteng to him and a routine trip to the theater doesn't cause anxiety. he loved the island in the movie and of course Nims house. he talks sometimes for days about all the places in the world he wants to see and Nims island makes him think of Hawaii. mostly the Statue of Liberty and New York City are his focus but there's also Paris, New Orleans, Africa, Australia and of course Greenland, cause its all green on the map. well, time to get the "midnight man" off to bed. ya, he usually cant get to sleep before midnight. another autistic thing -not great sleepers! thats a subject for another entry, the whole bedtime thing...

tomorrows a new day

this is all so new to me . blogging that is. so bear with me until i get the hang of it. i needed a way to voice my feelings about mothering a child with autism. my son ryeder is high functioning and to many people he doesn't appear autistic. that's the thing about autism, there are so many different levels and each child is so individual. every day he is a joy to be with but that doesn't mean it isn't exausting! as mothers we all wonder if our parenting is at all beneficial to our children, but as a mother of a child with autism parenting becomes a whole new ball game. i wonder (on a daily basis) if i'm doing enough to help him learn and grow, and i know there has got to be more i can do. then other days i think "what is it i'm trying to do ?" i waiver between teaching him how to fit into this world and how to just let him exist in his own reality. today when i try to teach letter recognition and he shows no interest (because its so frustrating for him) i question our society and and the whole idea that "we need to conform"- "we need to fit in"- but that is something i have struggled with my entire life, so nothin new, still complicated all the same. Children on the spectrum are a gift in our lives and we learn so much through them, if we would only slow down enough to observe. i welcome any comments or information on letter recognition for autistics and if i can offer any solace to a mother out there, than this is my sole purpose of finally venturing out into the blogasphere!